I have a friend who doesn’t like feelings (emotions). He finds them uncomfortable and pointless. He’d rather skip feelings and just get on with his rational business. But I love feelings! I think feelings can actually be really helpful to us. Feelings are our friends, and here’s why.

Feelings are like a warning system to alert us to our needs. Sadness, Happiness, Anger, Fear, Surprise, and Disgust (the six core human emotions) tell us when “Something is up!” “Pay attention!” This way we can protect ourselves in the world by letting people know, “Hey, this is not okay with me.” “I need to leave.” “I want to change this.” Also, we can aim ourselves in the direction we want to go, “Hey, this feels good. More of this, please!” “This makes me happy.” “I want to go there.” (30 Rock, I miss you).

And yes, sometimes it can feel uncomfortable to have feelings. Sadness may make our eyes and hearts hurt. Fear can tighten us up, make it hard to breathe. Anger takes all kinds of energy and can exhaust us. Lots of physical and psychic discomfort can come with feelings.

Getting used to the discomfort.
With practice, we can get used to the discomfort of feelings. The discomfort is temporary because feelings (emotions) are temporary. They pass through us like a storm or a flu. We can think of them like a wave: they come on, they build, they crest, then they subside.

So, how do we handle feelings?
First, give them room to express. Venting! Letting it out! (Check out my article about the Value of Venting). It’s helpful to find a “safe” place to let the feelings out. A trusted person who will let you vent to them, or by yourself. You can scream into a pillow, verbalize to yourself, cry in the shower, punch a pillow, or do something physical (run, dance, exercise).

Remember, emotions are like a wave, and the wave will eventually subside.

And while you’re having your feelings, hold off on attempting any rational thought, decision making, or decisive actions. Feelings need their own space to express, but we don’t want them “driving the bus.” We can wait for the feelings to subside so that our more rational parts can take control of the bus again.

After the big emotions start to subside, you may notice a change in the sensations in your body. You may feel lighter, breathing is easier, a sense of quiet calm inside. I love that state!

Then, in that calmer state, we can analyze things, look at our options, and make decisions to meet our needs. Can I meet the need myself? Do I want to set a boundary? Do I need something from someone else? Do I want to make a request? In this way we can move through the world with confidence in our ability to protect ourselves and aim for our desired goals.

Feelings are our frenz!

Also check out, “Feeling My Feelings? No Thank You!“