Recently I saw a video of an impala shaking off stress after a near-death experience (YouTube link below). It’s a great visual of how the animal releases the intense energy of the Fight or Flight response, and I think it illustrates an important lesson for us humans, too.
When something upsets us, whether it’s a real threat (someone acting aggressive towards us at the grocery store) or an “imagined” threat (like a memory of a past event; or an emotional threat such as a break up), we may go into fight or flight. Our body tenses up, our breathing gets shallow and rapid, we may freeze or we may feel like punching something. Adrenaline and cortisol rush through our bodies as we immediately muster the energy to protect ourselves.
After the threat passes, where does that energy go? In my experience, if the energy stays in our body it can start to create all kinds of havoc and discomfort. Irritability, muscle tension, insomnia, stomach cramps, depression, or other possible health effects.
That’s why I am a big advocate of conscious venting. Venting allows us to move that energy out of our body, so our nervous system can relax again. And we can consciously initiate venting after a painful experience. Some ways of venting include physical activity (vigorous exercise or dance) or verbal venting.
When I vent, I allow myself to shout, yell, curse! I can say out loud all the ugly things I’m thinking in that moment. All the blame and judgment. “That *^*%! He always $^$#@! I’m sick of it! Stupid, *$&%# $)&%<!! I wish he would just #&*$^@!!”
I don’t recommend saying actually saying this stuff to the target of your upset without deliberate thought and conscious choice. Unvarnished enacting of anger can damage relationships, and you might want to consider other ways to effectively express your anger (rather than enacting it) at a later time. This initial expression is just for you, for your release. I use shouting in my car, shouting in a private room, shouting into a pillow, hitting a pillow, or venting to a trusted, supportive friend or confidant (or therapist!).
And I support my clients in doing the same. I invite them to scream, shout, or punch a pillow. Some clients tell me, “Oh, I never shout. I can’t even imagine shouting.” For them this is a new level of expressing that feels very uncomfortable. I get it, and I meet my clients where they are. So we may work up to Big Venting by starting with Small Venting. Learning to say something like, “I don’t like what happened” or, “That hurt me, and I feel upset” may be a great first step. We may experiment with vocalizing (moaning or growling) or movement in order to shake loose some of that pent up energy.
Once some of the tension energy has been released, I notice a feeling of expansion. More room to breathe, more feeling of calm, more room to consider possible responses and desired actions. More ability to move out of stuckness. I invite you to give conscious venting a try!
YouTube Link to video of impala shaking off stress after a near-death experience (Trigger warning: brief animal violence, no gore): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QgglTik6G4
