Here’s something I’ve noticed about “the truth”: there can be more than one truth at the same time, both within ourselves and within a relationship. When we let go of trying to determine “which truth is THE truth” (i.e. right vs wrong) and instead allow for “multiple truths,” we move toward peace, empathy, and connection.

Within ourselves:
“Part of me wants to go to the party. Part of me wants to stay home.” Upon deeper reflection, maybe that’s, “I fear missing out, AND I’m exhausted,” or “I fear saying no, AND I don’t want to socialize right now.” When we allow ourselves to have all those feelings, without trying to push any of them away, we are allowing our full self to exist.

Or, “I don’t want my mom dropping by unannounced, but I could never tell her that.” Upon deeper reflection, maybe that’s, “I’m angry at my mom, AND I love her, AND I fear losing my connection to her.” When we recognize and make room for all the different feelings, we don’t have to beat ourselves up for feeling some kind of way.

A client of mine had a nice one recently: “I’m so upset I can’t do more to help my clients. I feel powerless.” Upon deeper reflection (including considering the ways she does help her clients), it was, “I feel powerless in some ways; that’s uncomfortable. AND I have some powers, which I enjoy sharing.” When we can embrace both our power and our feelings of powerlessness, we are embracing our full selves.

Within a relationship:
Kit says, “I’m mad you wouldn’t go to the party with me.” Vik replies, “Yeah, well, I’m exhausted from working all week.” Upon deeper investigation, Kit wants more connection, wants to do things in partnership with Vik. AND Vik needs to rest and recharge, doesn’t have the bandwidth for socializing right now. Neither one is wrong. Both things are true.

Mattie says, “I need you to step up and help out more around the house.” Pree says, “You know I’m going through a depression. Thanks for the support. NOT!” This one might take more nuanced attention to unravel, but it might be something like, Pree: “I’m having some mental health struggles right now. It’s hard for me to be present in our relationship. Also, I want more accommodation from you.” Or maybe even, “I want someone (you) to make me feel better.” And Mattie: “I’m struggling to maintain our household on my own. I feel alone. I feel resentful.” And maybe, “I can’t ‘make you feel better.’” When Mattie and Pree can recognize and allow all these different true feelings without blaming each other, then they can grow their empathy for each other and work together to find solutions.

When we make room for all of the feelings, both within ourselves and within our relationships, we can let go of fighting (our feelings and each other). We experience more peace, more compassion, and more collaboration.

More on this topic in my article, “I Like Big Buts and I Cannot Lie.”

Love, Jonna