Maybe you’ve thought, “I know I shouldn’t feel this way…” or “I feel guilty for even thinking this…” There’s the thought or feeling, and then on top of that there’s an inner critic berating you for that very thought or feeling. Sometimes our own brains beat us up!

When that happens, it can leave us feeling locked up, stuck, and miserable. So what can we do?

Okay, so, for example, let’s say you’re having the thought, “I feel guilty for even thinking this, but I can’t stand my cousin’s partner.”

• Step one: add a heaping pile of grace onto the whole thing. Can we have compassion for ourselves and our various thoughts and feelings, even if they seem “bad”? Yes we can. We’re human; we have all kinds of thoughts and feelings; we get to choose how we act; we’re allowed to have our feelings.
• Step two: slooooowwww things dowwwwwnn. Let’s take it piece by piece.
• Step three: invite each different part to share. We can hear from that inner critic part. What upsets the critic about the thought or feeling? Maybe it’s something like, “If I feel that way, it means I’m selfish/a bad person,” or “If I feel that way, no one will like me.” We give the inner critic some room to be heard, we empathize with the inner critic. Then we ask the inner critic to take a seat for a moment so we can talk to the other parts. Then we can hear from the part that has the original feeling. What do you really think of your cousin’s partner? What don’t you like about them? What do they trigger in you? Often this is rich, fertile territory that can bring great insight into your own beliefs, needs, fears, or hopes. By giving ourselves room to share the “terrible” thought or feeling, we can get to those deeper truths.

• Step four: profit. Well, kind of just kidding and kind of I’ve been reading too much Reddit! But yeah, with giving each part room to be heard, you may notice increased calm, increased compassion (for yourself and for others), and increased options for dealing with your cousin’s partner. Possibilities open up for more understanding and connection (with parts of ourselves and with others). Nice emotional profit!

You can also check out my earlier article, “Battle Royale: Brain v Stomach!”

Sincerely,
Jonna