“Use your brain!” “Put your thinking cap on!” “Figure it out!” These are the messages we grow up with and hear so often. Urging us to strengthen our cognitive (thinking) abilities. And for sure, our ability to think and figure things out is so helpful! Following a recipe, building a bridge, getting to the airport on time – we need our wonderful brains to make it so.
But we often get so used to using our brains that we forget about this other, fantastic and significant source of wisdom that we have: our bodies. Our body sensations can give us so much insight and information about our values, our needs, our boundaries. Our body sensations can help us make important decisions, help guide us to our best path, help us focus and be present. (You can also check out my post, Mind-Body Connection is a superpower that we humans have).
In my work as a therapist, I often have clients wanting to Figure Out their issues. Figure out how to repair intimacy with their partner; figure out how to get rid of their sadness; figure out how to be less anxious. I totally understand this impulse – we want relief, and we want it now! In my experience, sometimes relying on my brain to solve emotional issues just sets me up in a mental battle – trying to will myself to feel differently, beating myself up for feeling the way I do, just an ongoing fight.
Instead, I invite myself and my clients to Feel In to the issue. Notice body sensations. They may say, “I notice my stomach gets tight when I think of being intimate with my partner.” “I notice heaviness in my shoulders when I think of my sadness.” “I notice my throat start to close up when I think about the things that make me anxious.” First of all, that is great noticing. From there we practice allowing the sensation to occur, paying attention to the sensation, and noticing what comes up. Perhaps it will be memories, emotions, an image, words, a physical impulse, or something else. By letting the process flow organically, we are allowing our bodies to take the lead. Our bodies will guide us – toward understanding, toward realizations, toward ideas and solutions.
For many, Feeling In may be a new experience, and it may be uncomfortable. In particular, people who have experienced physical trauma or abuse may have unconsciously separated from their physical sensations as a protective measure. Working with a trusted professional can help. Someone to help guide you back into relationship with your body, gently, compassionately, and paying close attention to your individual needs at every moment.
