Recently I wrote about the benefits of slowing down. Taking time to actually be present, to feel and process our feelings, to let our nervous system operate in a relaxed way, and to make room for creativity, generosity, and enjoyment.
For many of us this is a new, almost revolutionary idea, and it can take some getting used to. As with learning any new skill, it may feel uncomfortable at first.
I invite you to notice the feelings that come up inside you when you contemplate slowing down. Maybe your gut seizes up, your throat closes a bit, or your heart starts to race. Feel free to take some deep breaths to help yourself unclench a little. Then get curious. What are the thoughts and beliefs that come up?
Consider your beliefs about productivity. “I must live up to my potential!” “I must get stuff done!” Maybe you have some deeply ingrained beliefs about being productive, and how they translate to going fast so that you can “get everything done.” Notice any fear-thoughts that come up if you think about challenging those beliefs (“Going slow is for losers,” “If I’m not productive, how do I prove my worth?” Maybe you notice some comparison thoughts. “Everyone else does (….), so I have to keep up.”
Consider the societal messages you’ve gotten about productivity and going fast. In the U.S. our entire economy and culture seems to value and promote speed and constant growth. Slowing down to smell the roses has no economic benefit!
Consider who you had to be in your family growing up. Did you have space to linger and let your mind wander and take your time responding? Or did you have to defend yourself promptly, get stuff done right away, get more done, always do more?
Perhaps there’s a FOMO component. “Everyone else seems to be going fast. If I go slower, I’ll miss out!” “Everyone talks fast. If I talk slower, people will get bored. No one will want to talk to me.” “I’ll be left out.” “People will think I’m weird.”
Yes, yay for you for noticing all these conditioned beliefs. And for noticing what’s going on in your body. Now you can:
Self-soothe your body. Some calming breaths (e.g. Inhale for a count of 3, hold for 4, exhale for 5).
Allow the possibility that your beliefs may not always be accurate. Maybe it’s possible to go slower AND be worthy – maybe!
Start with easy experiments. At night, brush your teeth more slowly. When preparing food, move around the kitchen at a gentle pace. When cleaning up, try slowing down. Then just notice how it feels to go slow.
In my experience (with myself and with clients), once we allow for the initial unfamiliarity (and possible discomfort) of slowing down, we start to notice, “OMG this feel Ah.May.Zing. I can breathe. I can think. I’m not in panic mode all the time.”
I use slowness in my work with clients a lot. We slow down to help our nervous systems relax. We slow down to notice and feel feelings, discern our needs, and learn to trust ourselves. With couples, we slow down to better understand the dynamics of those flash-fire arguments, to improve our communication, and to reestablish closeness and connection.
I invite you to try it for yourself, and hit me up if you’d like to have a slow-down session with me!
