“Let me rub it and make it feel better.” That was my dad’s go-to when I had a bump of a scrape as a kid. And it worked! Perfect first aid. Buuuuut, as life goes, health challenges get more plentiful and more complicated, and Rub-it-and-make-it-feel-better doesn’t cover the myriad emotional and physical consequences of dealing with health issues. Here are some of the issues I’ve seen come up and how I like to support my clients in dealing with them.
“Who am I?” If you’re going through a major health issue, you may experience a loss of identity. You can’t do the same activities, you’re not as “capable,” you’re suddenly more depended on others. “Am I just my illness now?” We work on integrating the health experience and reclaiming your identity.
“So much sadness.” Oh yes. There can be big grief and mourning when going through an illness. We can mourn the loss of our former health, or the future plans we’ve had to change. You may be on a rollercoaster of hope/optimism and disappointment/discouragement. We work on allowing ourselves to feel the grief, to ride that wave when it comes.
“So much fear.” Anxiety and uncertainty play a big role, too. Worrying about your prognosis, noticing every little body sensation – uh-oh, what’s that feeling? And you may find your mind going to the worst possible scenario. We work on helping our nervous system calm, and helping our brains stay present rather than flying off to dark places.
“It’s hopeless. Nothing’s good.” Depression can creep in, sapping your motivation and mood. “What’s the point of anything?” I hear you. We work on finding meaning and taking small steps toward teeny bits of enjoyment.
“I’m sick of being the guinea pig.” Maybe you feel really angry or sad about this loss of control. You’re at the mercy of doctors and treatment protocols. Your body won’t do what you want. It can feel soooo enraging and defeating. We work on finding those places where you DO have power and control, as well as working on strengthening the home within you that feels comforting even in the midst of unpredictability.
“I can’t connect with my friends/partner/family the same way anymore.” For sure dealing with a health issue can start to affect and change your relationships. Maybe your role changes, your ability to socialize changes. Maybe there are changes to your intimacy. We work on naming your new needs, opening authentic communication with your important people, perhaps helping you with boundaries.
“I look like hell.” Health issues may change the way you look, which may affect your self-esteem. We work on forging a new relationship with our bodies, allowing the grief if it’s present, and building self-esteem based on strengths and gifts unrelated to appearance.
“How could God do this to me?” or “Why am I even here?” Illness may cause a change in your faith, or a spiritual crisis. You may start to question or ponder the meaning of life, the experience of death. We work on finding meaning authentic to you, defining your deepest values and supporting you living in alignment with those.
Working with illness is nuanced, deep, and variable. I like to make room for my clients to bring and feel all the different, ever-changing emotions and concerns. I believe it is possible for you to feel whole again, even while your body is going through something so stormy.
With love,
Jonna
