Raise your hand if you’ve felt this: your heart is beating fast, your breathing is shallow and tight, your throat feels closed up, and those nagging, worrisome thoughts just get worse and worse. Welcome to anxiety. If you’re reading this you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

Anxiety is different from fear. Where fear focuses on objective, material dangers, anxiety has us worrying about theoretical, speculative, future possible dangers. Our brain makes up stories and scenarios and holds on tight to those, fretting and poring over the horrible things that “might happen.”

There are good things about anxiety. It can help us prepare; it can act as a “conscience” to help us make good choices for ourselves. But if anxiety is “running the show,” it makes for a very uncomfortable time. We feel distressed, we have trouble connecting with others, we may make choices that go against our greater goals and values, we can’t relax.

I help my clients take a multi-pronged approach to managing and quelling anxiety.

Physical Relaxation and Grounding

We can learn specific, simple exercises that help us relax our nervous system and reground ourselves. As a therapist, I act as a safe “container”, a companion-guide to be with you in this learning, so that you can uncoil, slowly and surely.

Uncovering the Hidden Beliefs

We can explore what beliefs about yourself might be driving the anxiety. Things like, “They’re all gonna laugh at me,” “I’m gonna fail,” or “I’m just not good enough.” We can consider your historical experiences that may have prompted these beliefs. By understanding what young-you went through, we can start to heal old wounds help now-you see new, positive truths about yourself and your abilities.

Re-writing the Script

We start to replace the scary future-stories with more helpful, exciting stories that better support your true values and goals. This can be a conscious action of thought, and it also happens naturally as we work with 1 and 2 above.

Making Small Experiments and Tracking the Evidence

We take small steps to try slightly scary things, and we notice the results. We notice how it feels in the moment, how it feels afterward. We notice the results. In this way we start to experience our capabilities, our strength and creativity, and our courage. We see how our brave actions support our values and goals.

Allowing Anxiety Its Moment

We may notice anxiety continuing to show up, but as we play with 1-4 above, we see that anxiety doesn’t run the show. So when we do notice it, we don’t have to fear it. We might even let it have a moment to “say its piece.” We don’t have to banish it because we know how to keep it from overpowering us. And it may even help us make choices that support our greater goals and desires, or keep us from unwanted consequences.

It is possible to have a sense of calm inside ourselves, a sense of self-assurance. Again, if you’re reading this, it means something is driving you to want that calm self-assurance, and that is the seed if it. That driver is the part of you that knows. By addressing the anxious part, we give that knowing part its room to flourish.