Or, to quote Cartman from season 12, episode 5 of South Park, “How do I reach these kids!?”
This is the first in my article series aimed to help business professionals thrive.
I was discussing with a client of mine, who is a business professional, some nuances of today’s business culture. While business culture in the US continues to value initiative, self-reliance, productivity, and efficiency, communication styles evolve and differ in different generations. “Grandma sounds old fashioned!” “I don’t understand a thing that kids these days say!” In my client’s case, he pondered how an older entrepreneur such as himself can best relate to younger potential clients and business partners. He noticed feeling self-conscious and tongue-tied when trying to related to unfamiliar styles of people.
When we feel comfortable and confident in our own skin; when we feel relaxed and open; when we have self-trust, it’s easier to connect with others. We worry less about “how we appear” or, “What will they think?” Instead we can focus on being present with others: attuning to their needs, their energy, and how best to connect (e.g. noticing that they have a slower pace and slowing ourselves down naturally to meet them). We can offer ourselves as a non-anxious presence, and in doing so, our non-anxiety becomes the connecting bridge – more than any matching of lingo. We become free to enter into a dance of warm, authentic connection with another human being. A flow-state of relating.
So how do we do that? How do we become comfortable and confident in ourselves, relaxed, open, and self-trusting? When I work with clients on this, we focus on thoughtfully approaching and practicing “uncomfortable” interactions. We develop sense-noticing (being able to notice what our senses are telling us) and emotional regulation (being able to calm ourselves with ease). We develop moment-to-moment flexibility by practicing, using different forms of interactional play. In this way clients develop a “loosen-up-ability,” broaden their repertoire of ways of relating to others, and expand their professional capabilities.
This kind of flexibility is a skill that can absolutely be developed, just like learning to tie our shoes or use chopsticks. We can nurture and grow our comfort-ability, allowing us more comfort with ourselves and our clients and co-workers.